In a world increasingly taken over by AI, bits and atoms - we crave the sense of “human-ness”
What is this? The organic flow of being. Vibes and resonance. The warmth from a beautiful conversation. The birds, trees and breeze.
Geopolitical tensions and impending nuclear evisceration encroach upon our daily psyche.
What is Jerry Cai here to do? No ego - just where does this energy flow spontaneously? No inhibition about how I’m going to make money, leverage, maximizing the social media algorithm. What is this embodiment of my life?
Everything is learned through experience And what is work? What is meaningful work?
Its all a fucking religion. What is my message? What is my medium?
There’s something incredibly compelling about fluid dynamics - I feel this sense of convergence of my experiences (fishing, music, waves, Zen going with the flow) on water. The fluidity and visualization feels right
I feel there isn’t enough flow in the world right now, everyone being confined into these narratives and ways to live their life. I feel energized and channeling my energy into this innermost source.
Listening to Proff - Izumo, Michael FK & Andy Leech - Falling Apart,, there’s this profound qualia to Pink Floyd, Massive Attack and post-rock with guitar and drums of a black and white world still energized in another dimension.
Right before this, I was feeling a bit exhausted and dead inside. I went to sleep early and ended up getting up at 7:30 or 8am. There just wasn’t that spark to keep on pushing through and trying to discipline myself to learn computer networking or AI.
I woke up, got ready, and walked around, but there just wasn’t this immediate driving force to run. I feel like something deeper inside, for the past couple of days I’ve been getting myself to run and trying to build up this mental habit, but I feel like something is missing still.
Then I was trying to reconcile the messages and social conditioning I am getting. My experience as a founder learning about compounding wealth, talent density, and this pressure that I feel that I’m falling behind on and I need to fit the narrative. Everyone else is pushing virality loops, trying to build El Segundo and hard tech and innovating, driving the heart of America again.
But fundamentally, there’s something that isn’t resonating or that’s not expressed in how I’m living the past three or so weeks. That’s the human embodied soul, the resonance, the qualia that Zen was really getting at. It’s not just bits and atoms, it’s this experience that we’re mentally inhabiting. And there was this human quality to all of this that the technology and startup world is missing.
There are so many instances where I’ve seen this in my life. Like when I was a kid, I used to go alone and just wander by myself in the woods. no agenda. No forced intention, just me embodying my life. Same thing with fishing. And I realized I’m a social introvert and I love being by myself. And I think the comparison with others and other definitions of success are false icons
the freedom I felt being around water and the ocean. Also, in my own world as I’m playing tennis. When I was able to freely run through Philly and become unshackled from the whole Penn culture of recruiting, whatever they define success as. And now, possibly the same grasp that AI in building a wealthy life that people have treated Naval’s word as gospel but are misinterpreting
success is a false projection of reality, and it only comes through your embodiment of yourself from within by doing and living your own life that “conventional success” - even verbally classified as alternative founder hustle grind set success, is still measured in money, prestige, and the ability to control.
I was reflecting on my previous life experiences where for years I was learning the robotic version of my forehand, but really it was about going with the flow and finding and uncovering my personal swing. It’s not something that I impose conventional wisdom on, it’s something that I discover through doing. And it’s those reps that I wish I had while playing and I’ve noticed whenever I was playing in a tournament or I was actually playing tennis and not concerned about the stroke itself, my stroke just happened to be amazing. I didn’t even think about it. I played so well. and when I stopped obsessing about the robotic-ness of my stroke, I just let it go and it took care of itself. and Todd, my tennis coach, helped unlock something that took three or four lessons, where he realized there was one part of my stroke where I was forcing the wrist flick, when in reality the majority of the power comes through the whole body generating, and then, like a rubber band, it’s transmitted through the arm, not generated
same thing with socializing and connecting with people. Being able to talk and connect at such a deeper level. This required me to zoom out and see literally what’s happening. Like, people actually don’t hate me or are conspiring, it’s just these attachments to the mental constructs I get caught up on
I’m seeing the same pattern play out where the mental constructs of being a founder, tying up all of my energy to the highest path to wealth, and achieving freedom, actually isn’t free nor liberating. Being free is in the present, and you must live that way. There is no making money to get there. It’s just you doing it and you following the free flow of energy
yes, there’s reality and there are constraints. But there is a major mistake people are making: how they see freedom and embodiment of this world is not through an artificial medium like money, status, or what you have. It comes from the root itself and just doing what the foundational, the purest form of life is - just living your life, just doing that without the mental shackles or baggage you have to carry about optimizing for something and repetition, inconsistency, and reps compounding of inhabiting this mindset is what separates you from others in the long run.
performative life isn’t actually living life. Living life requires an unbridled attention to your view, playing your part in the world, doing your dharma, and not impressing upon others this artificial charade of success. real life feels full, immersive time stretches, energy flows. There is no prescribed formula; you just experience and go with it, and it feels revitalizing and energizing. right people will find you, and the resonance is infectious as you find the lowest state in the system. There’s no performance. It’s just being in doing
I was thinking that I might be climbing the wrong mountain. I was questioning all the variables happening in this life and realizing maybe I’m playing the wrong game. In tennis is the game to win against the others? Or is the game I’m uniquely suited for mastering this flow with my stroke? Or is it being and seeing the game as this perpetual exchange and rally between another opponent? Or is tennis the embodiment of you learning about yourself when interfacing with an external world. In each stroke, each rally, each situation you put yourself in compounds.
And with sport, it’s so easy to get caught up with the score. People being obsessed about winning will find one lane of experiencing tennis. These are the people that go and want to compete and are obsessed with the winning feeling and yeah that’s Michael Jordan and that’s one way you live.
But for people who are otherwise engrossed in the moment, who care about the exchange, learning to appreciate the fundamental essence of tennis which is an exchange of energy, painting this almost dance, an expression, and yes winning each point is part of it and the constraints is what makes the game interesting and help you develop and hone and sharpen your technique.
And I wonder if I had known about what I know now about tennis before, how I would be a top-ranked junior or I’d probably be playing college tennis. But even my relationship with tennis now is completely different, a step beyond this path of embodied neuroscience, understanding the human flow state, the human condition, and connecting this with the terrain, map love the world I inhabit.
And in founder-speak, that is the most “defensible moat” possible. Being yourself. Living a life for 24 years that NOBODY else could have lived or replicated. The taste, reps and experience cultivated.