memo

I feel like I’m taking action, bias towards action but still feel somewhat lost.  However, everything feels somewhat scattered right now.

figuring out what my craft is, whether that is robotics engineering integrating with Maritime Tech, Biotech or some other kinds of deep tech

Not really focused on consumer oriented tech anymore Care more about deeptech, complexity - and writing content that is consumer facing

disregard what my mom said. I am working on my own schedule.  people griding out in their 20s.  I fundamentally disagree with ANTI naps - the amount of benefit of a 20 minute power nap is immense. If I run my own company, I will allow a 30 minute siesta during the middle of the day. Fuck this work 9 hours thru the day, you need to stay awake.  People should work effciently in harmony with their body.

My parents think I’m making excuses that I’m not capable of handling a normal 8-hour professional work day And I am working on my other projects too

I don’t want to be influenced by my parents anymore.  Each job they found when I landed back home was somehow in their sphere or encouragement Farm Bureau, the restaurants, ThermoFisher

I don’t want them hovering over how my circadian rhythm works or when I fall asleep I still don’t feel like I’m in the optimal state of mind

honestly, been in a slump recently, waking up in the mornings feeling not as energized to tackle the day. some of the engineering work feels draining, I think I need to tap more into research, writing, or general knowledge creation rather than pure sales or engineering.

writing seems to be a priority and a theme this year. I want to share more writing with the world and continue publishing my work and expanding my footprint on the internet. however, not in the creator social media way, more so in long-form content, deep analysis, and thoughtful discussion.

I’ve been hitting bits of roadblocks with the implementation at work, learning Delta V and figuring out Modbus and all these protocols. It seems not, I seem to recently have deviated from the core work of understanding controls, robotics.

I also watched a Hormozi clip yesterday about being in the liminal zone, the season of loneliness where you’re doing something no one else has done and no one quite understands. You don’t really know if this is going to work and it’s the hard thing because no one else has done it. It feels like this and you’re not getting immediate feedback. But I think the process is for me to learn to love the process and the routines, to have patience that this takes several years and it’s not quick monthly success. It’s going to be much harder and I’m going to have confusing signals, but I think I need to stay consistent in my aligned pursuit, but stay consistent ultimately

I feel like my life path has been different than a lot of other people around me, and I’m still trying to come to terms with its uniqueness. Milestone moments that happen for others haven’t happened yet for me, like finding a girlfriend, and I’ve been a late bloomer getting a corporate job right now. It seems that the field engineering position does teach me engineering, but I’m worried about how it transitions or the opportunities to grow into other roles.

There is this pressure to maximize your 20s as much as possible and to be as successful as you can. There is this pressure to not blow this opportunity, and this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that I’m not doing enough. There’s also an equal force telling me to go with the flow, and just meditate and be present. Be patient and not force things. I feel a bit confined in North Carolina, away from all the action happening in San Francisco. The fact of reality is that I still need to pay rent and I still need to pay off the debt that I had, and the AI startup scene seemed to burn me out, given the incentives in it. It’s not a sustainable mode of working. However, I still want to be able to explore more technical hardware and hard-tech companies in the best way I can.

Especially getting the exposure from Penn and seeing other Ivy League kids go live in New York, San Francisco. They’re being exposed to these ideas, while I’m back home, it feels like I’m behind. Because not a year ago, I was in New York building my startup, living that life, and also was in San Francisco for a few months taking in and really trying to maximize my opportunities.

There seems to be a point of friction between my values. I seem to desire something that’s not favorable at the immediate moment. Life isn’t flowing, or it feels that the channels are somehow blocked, and I need to let go of some notion. You need to step back and let things take their course, and trust that it will work out.

The principle that “the obstacle is the way,” that your current situation, that the present moment is the way. Focusing on the present moment and blocking out the noise will eventually get you to where you need to be. You don’t climb a mountain by staring at the top all day. You spend the work one step at a time, and then sooner or later you look around and realize you’re already halfway there, almost at the top.

Life kind of feels boring right now, the dreams, desires, wishes, traveling the world, being with friends in the Bay Area, going to these concerts, traveling around to Japan, hiking Nepal, and dynamically exploring - these feel out of reach, given that I’m not making as much money as other people are in software, or the high-paying jobs. In New York. There’s part of me that is questioning whether I should have gone and endured more in software, or tried harder to recruit for product manager, but my heart seems to be telling me that hard tech building with my hands, hands-on engineering with robotics is the way.

I’m having trouble pinpointing my Ikigai or what my purpose is. Various times in my life, I think it’s one thing, starting off with medicine, then switching to neuroengineering, then switching over to human connectedness in a circular economy, then going to building an AI startup and the techno-optimist neoliberal principles, but now I care more about sustainable economics and regenerative wealth building. I’m also in conflict because I care about wealth, and my interests and tastes are dominated by 1 percenters, like tennis, fly fishing, traveling, skiing, but my job and current role aren’t making that salary, nor there seems to be a disconnect in how these all connect together.

I see my friend. He seems very locked in about space and that’s his purpose in this life, but I feel like mine has been more scattered. I have three smaller spikes instead of one solid, concerted beam. I don’t know if I’m committing enough or if I’m just wavering, and it’s going to take time. Maybe it takes me longer than everyone else to realize the synthesis. But I feel like I’m still trying to figure out where I focus all this energy.

One thing I need to mentally work on is trusting and focusing on the present moment, and detaching my emotions from comparing myself to other friends. I need to be grateful for what I have and confident that this is the path in life that’s meant for me, and that I own this 100%. Total ownership, and striving to be better every day is what I can ask for, and everything else follows.

Another thing I was wondering is, are the people that I’m meeting and investing in friendships, are the people that are attracting my energy, attracting in life? The people that are aligned? True, they may not be as they’re not Y Combinator founders, ultra-wealthy, or very affluent individuals, or seem to have cachet, but they’re more grounded, and I feel more comfortable and at peace around.

There’s a part of me that is worried that I’m getting too comfortable in North Carolina and that it’s making me “less ambitious” as defined my previous world, or the counterfactual is that these people are actually my true people? I see the mentors, friends that my other friends from Penn and other founders are meeting. They seem to have more influence and are globally operating on a global and national scale.

All the people that I’ve more recently been talking to are older gentlemen at the tennis club, my old friends, people in North Carolina have a bit more local life. I’m trying to reconcile how I’m spending my energy and where this intersects or how it informs my ideal path.

The advice that you are the average of the five people you surround yourself with, I’m a bit concerned that in my current situation, the people I’m around primarily are my parents, some hometown friends, my manager at ThermoFisher. I call my friends R and B, who are my startup friends in the Bay to stay energized, but more physically and immediately, the caliber of the Bay Area is in its entirely own league.

I’m wondering if I’m missing out on the geographic networking, upskilling arbitrage in your 20s, when your friends are living in SF or NYC or LA.