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Reflecting and grounding before next chapter

memos

meditations

my key conflicts - when do I become an asshole versus maintain relationship. i care about human relationships, flourishing and people reaching their higher purpose + flow state. so why was I so disliked by Annie, Alli, Adrianna - but loved by everyone else?

because they are infringing on my energy, needed to pursue, learn about AI to improve humans. they are holding me back because I need to pick up their slack, and their vibes are carefree and living in this insulated illusion - which goes contrary to finding the innovation, dynamism in the world. they are draining my energy, are resistant to change - don’t have the craftsman attitude towards excellence, sharpening their craft.

however, if they are living their best life - aren’t I the villain and threatening their fulfillment of life? if life isn’t all about achievement, obsession with the game, but caring for your family and loved ones - I feel like I’m the hippocrite that Paul was exactly criticizing.

if I claim that technology should be advancing human flourishing, our needs to live a better life, then my nature of advancing tech innovation are will cause material and psychological discomfort to those affected.

in other words, aren’t I now becoming Richard Ou - I’m prioritizing the ends over the means… i am making other people’s lives harder in pursuit of my ideals and higher vision.

however, this is the nature of life. there is no black or white - everything exists in a nebulous gray area. we cannot take a reductionistic approach to life.

the way - embrace sun-tzu’s art of war: the best war is the won not fought - avoid unnecessary conflict if possible. but if the only option is to fight - win at all costs.

thats the circularity of relationships + values: values are constantly evolving, changing and growing with experiences relationships are built on commonalities in our values. its impossible to find constancy in relational system in flux therefore it’s almost paradoxical + naively idealistic (and shortsighted) to believe in universal human harmony as a value or ideal.

its not possible.

thats why religion exists, because it embodies an idealistic condition but humans are fallible and cannot expect to ACHIEVE or supercede this ideal.

Yes, Buddha can preach non-violence and help, love others. However, I don’t believe its possible for flawed (self-interested) humans to aspire to unconditionally love others.

I have gained more sympathy for Richard because he needs to make tough calls. Just like how Richard was providing life guidance for the past 2 years, I am doing the same for Laura and Jackson. Some of these truths I’m sharing may not make sense in their worldview. And to fight for my beliefs, I may have to cause harm to others.

The blanket constant i’m realizing is the world is imperfect. We should generally strive for pursuing our ideals But absolute, blind idealism is equally harmful + irrational as no idealism, and a static. We must accept this fundamental truth, and in turn develop more empathy for others who may outwardly be fighting against our interests.

its the different initial conditions that create this illusion of misalignment and hatred. however, no matter which side, we are human in the end. and accepting, embracing this fact allows one to more confidently and immersively navigate an imperfect reality.