Meditations
8:39 AM - What’s the most important in life?
Stability, a career trajectory, setting up your future. Employable technical skills.
Drop everything and travel/live around Europe? Build high-leverage skills, wealth and stability? Work as a nomad in southeast asia, or hike the himalayas? Build a farm in the pacific northwest?
Do I ACTUALLY want what I desire? Or is it a product of social influences that aren’t optimally aligned?
I don’t have nearly as much job flexibility, because my skills and strengths are a narrow set of skills. I need to develop more generalizable/applicable skills and sustainable skills which cater to my strengths.
I feel this tension in my chest. Am I doing things right? If I “let go”, would I just be trapped in NC? Would I be losing out on immediate opportunities like recruiting cycles, admissions deadlines, my Penn Masters return date?
I’m worried about fully letting go, embracing the free spirit and not caring about my career future, stability etc… Not caring about ESSENTIAL survival factors in this reality is SCARY, and feels almost like certain death. I need to worry in order to stay alive, sustain myself, ensure a stable future that enables future flexibility.
I’m aware of such importance and these values and recogntion of pragmatism are core values, but the mental anxiety and attachment to future uncertainties and outcomes is causing angst presently. Its causing confusion, hesitation, self-doubt now.
Perhaps I do need to let go. Its scary, but its the flow of the universe. By letting go, the system will flow on its own and naturally align myself towards my intended direction. My angst and worries are blocking present motion and momentum, needed to propel me forward.
Play in the present moment.