Meditations
8:43 AM
The past 2 days I’ve felt exhausted. The forward momentum of learning robotics fizzled a bit. I feel like I drained a core reserve somehow - perhaps aggresively answering phones at work? Or making too many changes in routine. Urges and temptations have grown stronger when suppressed, to the point they can’t be deferred or ignored.
Last night, I was scrolling through my phone addicted to the algorithm, despite recent efforts to disconnect with technology. I turn off my phone completely at night, read or only use my laptop, place my phone on the other side of the room. However, I still felt some inner compulsion to doomscroll.
Feels like I regressed. But perhaps I must observe, integrate and keep moving. Just like in tennis, I hit a fundamental shot out, or crucial point into the net - despite having full preparation and the right mental state. Its optimal to accept it, focus on the next point and keep swinging with the same level of confidence.
There are certain times where you push your boundaries. Other times are reserved for rest and recovery - to ensure the best use of these maximizing reps. Perhaps ease off intensity today trying to learn robotics at work - just read a book or meditate?
Play your OWN dominant game. Don’t get cornered into reacting through fear. Or cornered into playing Richard’s game (getting VAPI thru a chat). Although Agorum is legally dissolving in 3 weeks, I’ve already moved on. He still owes me $10k in debt, and I am learning my lesson paying this off.
But I shouldn’t be CONTROLLED or psychologically oppressed by this leverage he has. I control my own attention, investment of energy - I construct my own reality, and ultimately game I play. If Richard wants to play his games, I will play my own. No matter what, I will find my path to uncontested dominance playing my own game.
Just like Naval said about doing work that feels like play, authenticity outshines, outperforms contrived exertion or socially defined games.
Lets focus on the fundmentals today. Perform your reps mindfully, deliberately. But strategcially maximize the number of iterations, reps you get. Be mindful of time and energy efficiency. Let this compound.
3:34 PM
My mind feels drained right now. I don’t know how I replenish it. Reading? Running outside? Yoga? I don’t want to be around me parents - just tune into my own world.