Meditations
9:11 AM
I woke up super early today, had a really disciplined and intense night yesterday. But I feel tired, exhausted and that’s when I hopped on my phone and the doom scrolling started. It’s sort of South Park, and then I went down the rabbit hole early in the morning, and then two hours passed.
However, I gained a pretty important insight, it’s just like Tennis, when I played against Laurus. You can go in with the right, mindset and intention, but the shot itself falls short but the most important part is to acknowledge this, no judgment and keep moving forward. Accept the circumstances in result, and keep refining yourself.
Some sort of simulation, so maybe I read in the mornings. I need to journal in a physical journal, rather than hopping on addictive, social media, and YouTube algorithms.
In the larger scheme of life, I have begun to notice a shift. When I stop focusing on the outcome, desiring for pain to be over, or need to win a tennis, match, things, naturally align and fall into place. When I’m become obsessed with the present moment in the process, that’s where you go far. I’ve noticed this about La Oficina Agricola, where it’s 4 o’clock and I’m super tired and I’m dreading the longest hour to go by so I can go home. However, when I cover the time, and I immersed myself into something such as updating my website or writing, the time flies and I’m almost disappointed that I have to stop when 5 o’clock comes around.
Last night, I was playing tennis with Laurus and I also played pickle ball with friends - A Li, Nuo Ya, Zhu Lian - and caught up with Christoph, which was great. for the past couple of days, I’ve been preoccupied by not having received a response yet from Shinkei, Chris, and also needing to hear more from my friend Andreas. But suddenly after the match, I was in this deep flow state after playing a very tough tiebreaker with Laurus and ultimately triumphing.
I checked my phone and suddenly Anthony had replied. My initial reaction was pretty tempered. because just earlier today, I received the reply from Christoph and we set up a meeting on Monday. I also wasn’t the laboring and attached to that text message over LI, I just let it naturally happen, and I focus on my personal activities and focus of control.
This is similar to what I saw in the tennis against Laurus, where, each time I noticed my mind starting to attach to winning, I would lose focus and flow with my strokes, and I would mess up. Each time I get distracted by the results, or the external, I would pull myself back and focus on the present - the mental flow state I have it when I am playing tennis.
And it wasn’t easy, because I almost lost, and I was down 5-2 at some point. but I gradually found a point of obsession and complete immersion, where the mental experience of playing a point in finding my breaking points, stress, testing, and pushing myself to the limits became very intriguing. I didn’t see each point as one to win, but rather experience, every single possible way to hit the ball calmly and perfect the craft. The beauty came from blending strategy, with technical execution, and not being attached to a specific approach, in embrace natural iteration to keep the ball in play for longer in a more natural aligned way.
I liken this to the comparison between exceptional tennis players, finding ways to win, and the parallels to exceptional founders, who find ways to win. The new perspective was interesting - how is Rijkert Duku different from Dionysus? They both are not attached to the idealistic version of the game, but immersed in the obsession of figuring out product market fit, or a way to outplay the opponent. I am disdainful for Rijkert’s zero sum, instrumentalist approach towards business as this drains me - but there are parallels to Denises approach towards winning at all costs, and perhaps the obsession with winning.
Perhaps this dichotomy is an illusion. It’s the middle path described by Zen. I suffered in my tennis career because I was too attached on hitting perfect strokes, that looked mechanical, but did not win points. it was only later when I discovered that I let go and go with the flow and expand my awareness that both ends were met in unified. Not only did I feel more at ease, and my stroke looked effortless, I was winning more points as well.
Now had I been pursuing tennis only to win, I would not have found, found my stride in my optimal zone. Each person’s path towards realizing this integration is different. Mine started out with an idealistic form, meeting, practical constraints alchemizing into an aligned, natural approach that still elegantly dominated strategically. I eventually figured it out, and I can’t put pressure on myself, or blame that I should’ve been in a tennis phenom college I possess this knowledge.
Funnily enough, just like the tennis match, I focus in the present moment and immerse myself in the flow state that aligns my personal priorities and my soul. I can’t get caught up too much about previous mistakes and points that I lost, because these are all iterations and trials, and I’m running before I have my breakthrough. The whole is incomplete without its parts. This is a akin to the saying that the journey, not the destination, is the goal.
Now, practically speaking, this means to go in with full confidence and make mistakes. Push yourself and find the boundaries, but also integrating your existing knowledge. Tune in to the rhythm of the present, and don’t over analyze. Let things flow the way they are. Persistence will win out in the end, just like it did in the match. Someone will make an unforced error, or the universe will deliver an opportunity that you’re prepared for.
I appreciate the boundaries and flexibility of a full-time job where I can have two days or a weekend off work is off of my mind, and I can cater to my own personal needs in high actualization activities. however, there’s a lot of gray area which is apparent with the compromises I’m willing to make for startups I’m interested in.
A point of curiosity, and understandable tension is how I can apply this relaxed, present, yet dominant approach towards tennis, to the startup world in my journey as a founder? Can I embrace, uncertainty, own risks, treat mistakes as not good or bad, but one step in the path and obsess over the details in the craftsmanship?
Once I fall in love with this unpredictable, unforgiven game, and find beauty amongst the chaos, there’s nothing else I really need to preoccupy myself. The metrics, status, recognition will all fall into place, as they are meant to be.
Most importantly, find the priorities that allow for maximal alignment, minimal resistance, and optimized displacement. The order of priorities and mental attention, investment is what’s important.